One strand of HOPE!!!

 Lord, 

I don't know how it will end.

But I am clinging to that one strand of HOPE!

Please allow Clarice to continue schooling next sem.

In Jesus Name!

Update:>>> today is November 26, 2025 6:54PM

God is an Awesome God!

He truly is Faithful.

He truly is Powerful.

I remember how hard I cried to the Lord, the morning of November 20. That was the last day of my daughter's 1st sem for 2nd year at school. Earlier that morning, as usual part of routine, hahatid ko sya sa sakayan going to her school. I sensed how sad she was as she told me, "Last day na namin mama today sa 1st sem. Sayang hindi ko na sila makikita ulit kasi titigil na ako mag-school". Those words cut deeply in my heart. As in, naghalo halo yung self-blame, self-guilt and shame. Like, anong ginawa ko sa anak ko?, She studied hard, gumigising sya ng madaling araw, 3am or 4am to study. To ensure na mataas ang grades nya. Napasama pa sya sa Dean's list last sem. And then all of a sudden, sasabihin ko sa knya na, Baby hindi na kasi kaya ni Mommy na bayaran ang tuition, I am sorry. Tigil ka muna, work ka muna, ipon lang tayo one year tapos tutuloy ka nalang ulit. I am so greatful na even though alam nyang hindi na sya makakapasok ng 2nd sem, nagtuloy pa din yung sipag at dedication nya sa pag-aaral nya. As soon as I closed our room's door, I started sobbing. Yung iyak na para akong namatayan. Yung iyak na sobrang sakit, sobrang awa sa sarili at sa anak ko. Basta sobra. Atungal level ng iyak. And then I saw this Tiktok saying, "Ask God Again" << https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSf5nLfB4/ >>. For the past weeks and days kasi parang tinanggap na naming mag-ina na talagang titigil na sya. Na-condition na namin yung mga sarili namin na yun na talaga yung next step namin. Not until that Thursday Morning (Nov20). And then I asked God again. And I remember the days when I prayed so hard, seeking His wisdom and His confirmation allowing Clarice to enroll at TIP QC. He said " Don't worry, Ako bahala sa inyong mag-ina". I really did hear God telling that to me. And yan yung pinanghawakan ko ulit. And then a miracle did happen to me, in less than 2 hours, may kumausap na sa akin. willing mag-extend ng help. Hindi sya libre, pero masasabi kong, Galing kay God yung way na yun. Sobrang sobrang thankful ko kay Lord, at sa lahat ng taong ginagamit nya para sa kanyang biyaya at pagpapala para sa amin. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good! 

Sa iyo ang parangal

Papuri at Pagsamba. sa matamis na pangalan ng iyong anak na si Hesus!

Amen!

Amen!

Amen!

Confused

 For almost a month now, I have been talking to this guy on the internet.

I'd like to say that I love him.

I've come to love him.

With just a series of conversation via messaging.

But every now and then there are red signs that I am seeing.

I have been sincere and honest in all that I am telling him.

I started praying for this relationship to work.

But as I pray, more hints of red signs are being revealed to me.

God loves me.

And He will not allow His daughter to be deceived.

Whatever should fall, falls.

Whatever should break, breaks.

God loves me and is protecting me even in my stubbornness.

I love him

I can't believe that in just a span of less than 1 month, I'd be able to love someone deeply.

Entering into a relationship is totally out of my plan. I don't think I deserve that luxury.

Luxury of being loved and cared for. I used to think my destiny is to just work for the family.

Provide for my daughter and family. and that's it.

In one of my prayers while going through hardships in life, I said, Lord if there is someone you have prepared for me, huwag mo muna syang paparatingin ha. Baka hindi ko sya mapansin. Baka mapabayaan ko sya, unfair sa kanya. 

Everybody deserves to be loved whole heartedly. To be loved without inhibitions.

Then he came.

Out of the blue, he just came.

Started with a single friend request in Facebook. With only 1 mutual friend.

He is such a nice guy. Very polite. Very kind.

His sweet gesture got me.

I knew he's one of a kind.

He is a pilot.

He is a Christian.

A believer of God and Jesus Christ.

He is a single dad.

He is a widow.

I can sense that he is a good man.

He is respectful.

He always encourages me and cares for me.

I have done something bad towards him at the start of our friendship.

I rant about how bad my life is and how i think this will not work for us.

I tried driving him away. But the moment he asked "Do you want to cut me off?" my heart folded. 

He gives me assurance. He tells me that I was a gift from God. 

He says He prayed for a wonderful partner and I came. 

Both of us believes that God is the one who orchestrated our meeting.

Being in each other's life is like a gift from heaven. 

And we continuously pray for one another.

For God to bless the path in our journey and may the Lord allow us to be together to love and to care for one another, for as long as we both live.

I love him.

I really do.

Love that I haven't experience before.

And I pray to the Lord my God, to please have mercy on me. And grant me the chance to enjoy life with him. Life with Lancelot Tan.

The unbearable feeling of trying to keep it together as your world breaks apart before your eyes

 Have you ever been in a situation of having the unbearable feeling of trying to keep it together as your world breaks apart before your eyes.

When the last strand of hope that you are holding to, is vanishing before your very eyes. Even though how much effort you tell yourself that it's going to get better. You are already on the edge of the cliff.

Even if_

 They say sometimes you win some

Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I'm losing bad

I've stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken
It'll be alright
But right now
Oh, right now I just can't

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now?

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now

But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh, give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
And I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful
You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
'Cause I know You're able
I know You can

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone, oh-ooh
My hope is You alone, oh-ooh

It is well with my soul
It is well
It is well with my soul