Everyday, different challenge

 With the help of our Almighty heavenly father God, we are done with our challenge in ensuring that my daughter Clarice will be able to continue college. She is officially enrolled for her 2nd Semester in 2nd year in college.

I lifting to God our new challenge. Father God, nothing is hidden from you. You have the sovereign power over all things. Whatever it is that's disturbing my daughter during her time of rest Lord arrest them. I rebuke them whatever they may be. I declare covering of my daughter by the blood of Jesus Christ. Lord, Take care of her at all times. No one can separate us from your love oh God. I pray that you allow her to rest, renew her strength and vitality Lord. Be with her at all times and don't allow the enemy to disturb her, scare her nor harm her. I declare that she is covered by your protection Lord. all the days of her life. In the mighty name of your son Jesus I pray. Amen Amen Amen.

One strand of HOPE!!!

 Lord, 

I don't know how it will end.

But I am clinging to that one strand of HOPE!

Please allow Clarice to continue schooling next sem.

In Jesus Name!

Update:>>> today is November 26, 2025 6:54PM

God is an Awesome God!

He truly is Faithful.

He truly is Powerful.

I remember how hard I cried to the Lord, the morning of November 20. That was the last day of my daughter's 1st sem for 2nd year at school. Earlier that morning, as usual part of routine, hahatid ko sya sa sakayan going to her school. I sensed how sad she was as she told me, "Last day na namin mama today sa 1st sem. Sayang hindi ko na sila makikita ulit kasi titigil na ako mag-school". Those words cut deeply in my heart. As in, naghalo halo yung self-blame, self-guilt and shame. Like, anong ginawa ko sa anak ko?, She studied hard, gumigising sya ng madaling araw, 3am or 4am to study. To ensure na mataas ang grades nya. Napasama pa sya sa Dean's list last sem. And then all of a sudden, sasabihin ko sa knya na, Baby hindi na kasi kaya ni Mommy na bayaran ang tuition, I am sorry. Tigil ka muna, work ka muna, ipon lang tayo one year tapos tutuloy ka nalang ulit. I am so greatful na even though alam nyang hindi na sya makakapasok ng 2nd sem, nagtuloy pa din yung sipag at dedication nya sa pag-aaral nya. As soon as I closed our room's door, I started sobbing. Yung iyak na para akong namatayan. Yung iyak na sobrang sakit, sobrang awa sa sarili at sa anak ko. Basta sobra. Atungal level ng iyak. And then I saw this Tiktok saying, "Ask God Again" << https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSf5nLfB4/ >>. For the past weeks and days kasi parang tinanggap na naming mag-ina na talagang titigil na sya. Na-condition na namin yung mga sarili namin na yun na talaga yung next step namin. Not until that Thursday Morning (Nov20). And then I asked God again. And I remember the days when I prayed so hard, seeking His wisdom and His confirmation allowing Clarice to enroll at TIP QC. He said " Don't worry, Ako bahala sa inyong mag-ina". I really did hear God telling that to me. And yan yung pinanghawakan ko ulit. And then a miracle did happen to me, in less than 2 hours, may kumausap na sa akin. willing mag-extend ng help. Hindi sya libre, pero masasabi kong, Galing kay God yung way na yun. Sobrang sobrang thankful ko kay Lord, at sa lahat ng taong ginagamit nya para sa kanyang biyaya at pagpapala para sa amin. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good! 

Sa iyo ang parangal

Papuri at Pagsamba. sa matamis na pangalan ng iyong anak na si Hesus!

Amen!

Amen!

Amen!

Confused

 For almost a month now, I have been talking to this guy on the internet.

I'd like to say that I love him.

I've come to love him.

With just a series of conversation via messaging.

But every now and then there are red signs that I am seeing.

I have been sincere and honest in all that I am telling him.

I started praying for this relationship to work.

But as I pray, more hints of red signs are being revealed to me.

God loves me.

And He will not allow His daughter to be deceived.

Whatever should fall, falls.

Whatever should break, breaks.

God loves me and is protecting me even in my stubbornness.

I love him

I can't believe that in just a span of less than 1 month, I'd be able to love someone deeply.

Entering into a relationship is totally out of my plan. I don't think I deserve that luxury.

Luxury of being loved and cared for. I used to think my destiny is to just work for the family.

Provide for my daughter and family. and that's it.

In one of my prayers while going through hardships in life, I said, Lord if there is someone you have prepared for me, huwag mo muna syang paparatingin ha. Baka hindi ko sya mapansin. Baka mapabayaan ko sya, unfair sa kanya. 

Everybody deserves to be loved whole heartedly. To be loved without inhibitions.

Then he came.

Out of the blue, he just came.

Started with a single friend request in Facebook. With only 1 mutual friend.

He is such a nice guy. Very polite. Very kind.

His sweet gesture got me.

I knew he's one of a kind.

He is a pilot.

He is a Christian.

A believer of God and Jesus Christ.

He is a single dad.

He is a widow.

I can sense that he is a good man.

He is respectful.

He always encourages me and cares for me.

I have done something bad towards him at the start of our friendship.

I rant about how bad my life is and how i think this will not work for us.

I tried driving him away. But the moment he asked "Do you want to cut me off?" my heart folded. 

He gives me assurance. He tells me that I was a gift from God. 

He says He prayed for a wonderful partner and I came. 

Both of us believes that God is the one who orchestrated our meeting.

Being in each other's life is like a gift from heaven. 

And we continuously pray for one another.

For God to bless the path in our journey and may the Lord allow us to be together to love and to care for one another, for as long as we both live.

I love him.

I really do.

Love that I haven't experience before.

And I pray to the Lord my God, to please have mercy on me. And grant me the chance to enjoy life with him. Life with Lancelot Tan.

The unbearable feeling of trying to keep it together as your world breaks apart before your eyes

 Have you ever been in a situation of having the unbearable feeling of trying to keep it together as your world breaks apart before your eyes.

When the last strand of hope that you are holding to, is vanishing before your very eyes. Even though how much effort you tell yourself that it's going to get better. You are already on the edge of the cliff.

Even if_

 They say sometimes you win some

Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I'm losing bad

I've stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken
It'll be alright
But right now
Oh, right now I just can't

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now?

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now

But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh, give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
And I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful
You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
'Cause I know You're able
I know You can

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone, oh-ooh
My hope is You alone, oh-ooh

It is well with my soul
It is well
It is well with my soul

He's a Pilot

I just want to create an entry here about this guy I met on the Internet.

One afternoon while I was scrolling through my FB account, i received a notification about a friend request from a certain "Lancelot Tan". When I checked on his profile, we have a mutual friend from an online earning business that I joined in April 2025. So I thought he is just one of those members being friendly and wanted to expand connections. So accepted him.

After accepting his request, I received a message from him thanking me for accepting his request and looking forward to being friends. I find his gesture so sweet so I easily get comfortable with him.

We continued talking via Viber since he is seldomly online in FB. We have one thing in common, we are both single parents. He is looking for someone to be his partner in life. Honestly, I am not looking for someone to love. I am so drowned with my responsibilities and all my problems in life that I need to fix first. I told him that entering into a relationship is like a luxury for me. 

I loved him, but I need to let him go.

He is a self-made man, he only needs someone whom he can share build a future with.

I have so much love to give but my hands are tied to responsibilities I couldn't neglect. 

At the bottom line, A love found in wrong time is still not meant to end up together.

When there is strength in Letting go

 Today, I have come to a decision.

I will finally let go of the job that has been my bread and butter for the past 13 years.

Actually, resignation is not something that I decided on overnight.

It's a long process of denial, false hopes, self-gaslighting and manipulation.

I was like a ticking time bomb. About to explode anytime. 

I can't pin a finger on the exact reason.

It's just that, I no longer feel that it is a healthy beneficial relationship to be in.

Kaya nga, if it's no longer serving it's purpose and you on the other hand also is no longer driven to put effort in it. Why stay?

For the past years, my reason for staying is usually, person. I don't want to leave them suffering.

Kaya lang in doing so, they found their escape and left me trapped. But I know, hindi pa naman huli ang lahat to break free.

I forgotten the very purpose bakit ako nagwo-work.

I work for my family. To provide food, to support education and well being of my child.

But staying in the company is sefishness on my side.

While allowing them to suffer further because of my indecisiveness.

Lord! Please send help now. I need it now Lord!

 Grabe Lord.

Nakakaramdam ako ng takot.

Pero pupurihin ko pa din ang makapangyarihan mong pangalan Panginoon.

Hindi ko pagdududahan ang mga plano mo sa buhay ko.

Marami akong maling desisyon Lord.

Maraming kapabayaan akong nagawa.

Tulungan mo po ako bumangon sa kinasasadlakan ko Lord.

Wala na po akong maisip na ibang paraan Lord.

Patawad talaga.  :( 

Confused? Let God.

 I don't know.

I am so confused.

Whether to let it go

or should I push harder.

It's really hard for me to detect. :( 

And once a again I feel like i am drifting and drifting

But I know, in the corner of my mind I know.

The Lord my God, and savior Loves me

The Lord my God, and provider will never leave me

The Lord my God, and shield be there for me

So, even at the midst of chaos of my mind, heart, and soul

I will choose to listen to the GOD's whisper in my ear: "Huwag ka mag-alala, Ako ang bahala sa'yo, Ako ang bahala sa anak mo..

And once again, peace the transcends all human understanding fill me. Again

Alam kong may magagawa ang Diyos!

Today is the last day of September, year twenty twenty-five. Mama is celebrating her 60th birthday today. As much as I want to provide for even the simplest celebration. I can't afford it. 

Sobrang dami ko man maling desisyon sa buhay. Lalo na sa aspeto ng pananalapi.

Maraming biyayang aking nasayang sa kakulangan ng desiplina at kaalaman.

Patawarin nawa ako ng Panginoong Diyos sa lahat ng aking nagawang mali.

Pero Lord! Nagmamakaawa po ako sa inyo. Iligtas Nyo ako sa kinasasadlakan kong suliranin ngayon.

Sa lahat ng aking utang Lord, hindi ko intensyon na hindi sila bayaran.

HIndi ko po intensyong magdala ng sama ng loob sa ibang tao.

Kaya Lord, Sa iyo at iyo lang ako laging aasa.

Sa lahat ng aking problema, ikaw lang at ikaw ang may kakayanang maglabas sa akin sa dusang aking kinakaharap.

Ikaw ang Panginoong naglabas sa iyong bayan sa Ehipto.

Ikaw ang Panginong nagbigay ng biyaya sa iyong bayan sa ilang.

Walang lingkod mo ang nagutom at namalimos na wala kang ginawa para sa kanila.

Ikaw na ang bahala sa akin Lord.

Hindi ko na rin alam anong magiging sunod kong hakbang sa buhay kong ito.

Patawarin mo po akong palagi.

Patawad Ama.

A never ending cycle

 Why do I feel like my life is a never ending cycle?

One moment I feel so filled I can feel it in my soul. Your voice, your presence Lord. I can fell it.

One moment I am into sinning I don't know how to stop.

And then again Your spirit will once again fill me again. And then the fire gets dim again.

And for a moment I will take peace and calm and quiet to be a sign you are with me.

I have a lot of mountains that I am not climbing yet.

There are mountains and challenges I haven't started yet.

But I feel peace.

At the back of my head one day it will blown up into my face but I still careless.

If it's a form of sin Lord please help me. 

I don't want to be confuse about what you wanted in my life and what is not.

Re-ignite that fire and make me a burning altar again.

Your burning altar Lord.

The ones that every thought and every emotions seeks you.

The one that always commune with your spirit Lord.

I hope to fell your presence all days of my life.

I like to live a life I can boast to the world that I haven't had it easy but the Lord my God sustained me.

September 24, 2025: Lord I messed up again!

 Dear Lord,

I messed up again.

Ang dami ko na naman maling desisyon sa buhay.

Sa trabaho, sa pera, at sa kung ano ano pa.

But I don't know, I have a sense of peace knowing that you are there for me.

No matter how chaotic, how messy my life right now. I know I have an assurance that you love me.

But of course, I don't want to abuse your goodness, your kindness Lord.

Naaadik ako sa online gambling Lord, I know you already know now. I am sorry.

All the money I spent there is a waste of the provision you have for me. Lord Sorry.

Sorry if mas umaasa pa ako sa sugal kesa sa provision mo. Kesa magtiwala ako sa'yo.

Am I bad to think that the winnings that I have there comes from you?

Sorry Lord for being such a mess...

July 22, 2025 : I don't know what to pray

Heavenly Father,

I come to you right this very moment.

I'm sorry for all the sins that I committed lately.

I pray for unholy things that I've been doing Lord.

Patawarin mo po ako ama.

Dalangin ko, ibalik mo yung fire sa puso ko.

Yung apoy ng paglilingkod ko sa'yo Lord.

Yung total dependency ko sa Iyong kalooban Lord.

Thank you for bringing me out of the darkness of June Lord.

For all the times that you have restored my strength Lord. Thank You.

I thank you for all you have provided for me and for my whole family Lord.

Thank you.

Thank you for loving me Lord.

Thank you so much!

My prayer is that, you continue to pour your grace, mercy, love and providence upon us Lord.

Help us to remain under your wings Lord.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you Jesus!

Thank you Holy Spirit!

Glorify your name Lord.

In Jesus Name!

Amen!

I speak the Name of Jesus!

 I speak the name of Jesus over my life!

I speak the name of Jesus over my health!

I speak the name of Jesus over my finances!

I speak the name of Jesus over my family!

I speak the name of Jesus over my career!

I speak the name of Jesus over my community!

I speak the name of Jesus over my daughter's study!

I speak the name of Jesus over my debt!

I speak the name of Jesus over the whole earth!

Lord! Help your child! I rebuke any attacks of the enemy to my life!

I rebuke any attacks against my finances! I bind every altar raised against my financial breakthrough!

I bind any spirit of delay in God's blessing over all of us!

I declare that the provision of the Heavenly Father is already on its way!

I declare that I am walking in the season of open doors!

I declare that the Lord my God, my creator, my father, is on my side!

I declare that the blood of Jesus Christ is covering me from head to toe!

I declare that any weapon formed against me will not prosper.

I declare that any attacks against the Lord's will upon my life will not succeed!

I declare an abundant blessing from the Lord will come to me today.

So that I could also bless others. And I declare that I will share the Lord's love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, providence, protection and favor to every people that He will put into my life.

Lord! break any spirit of fear, of anxiety and of depression within me.

Replace it with a faith so strong people will see you moving in my life. 

Father, you said to me. I hear you telling me. " Ako bahala sa inyo mag-ina"

Panghahawakan ko sya Lord! Panghahawakan ko sya!

Turuan mo po ako magiging matatag pa. Huwag mo po ako iiwan!

The road is really rough right now but I believe that you are walking along side me Lord all the time.

In your hands I entrust everything Lord.

May everything that happens in my life be according to your will.

Amen!

Amen!

Amen!

Help me Lord!

 Dear Lord,

My situation is not hidden from you.

I know that you see every tears that fall.

I know that you hear every silent cry.

I know that you feel every heavy weight of my situation right now.

Father I lift to you everything. Wala na po talaga akong alam na gagawin pa.

Kayo na ang bahala Lord. Tulungan mo po ako Lord. Tulungan mo po ako.

Nalubog ako sa utang. Kasalanan ko din talaga.

With my ignorance, my pride, I bring it upon myself.

Walang ibang pwedeng sisihin. I saw it coming but I neglected it.

Mas nangibabaw kasi yung desire ko to provide for my family.

Inilaban kong ipasok sa private school yung anak ko.

Pikit mata pina-aircon ko yung kwarto namin.

Everything I did. It was all out of love. 

Love in my own perspective.

Medyo na-overuse ko yung "God will provide".

Para sa delayed self-gratification na binalewala ko.

Masyado akong naging kampante sa salitang "Kaya ko yan".

Now I am at the pits of all these Financial Crisis.

Di ko rin alam kung paano pa makaka-ahon. 

Alam kong may magagawa ang Diyos.

Alam ko ding ang kalooban nya ay higit kesa kalooban ko.

Pero sa ngayon, mas malakas ang tinig ng takot. Mas malakas ang boses ng pangamba.

Pinaglalaban ko naman. Pinanghahawakan ko ng maige yung paniniwala ko sa Kaniya.

May panahong naiiyak pa din ako. May oras na hindi ko na alam ang susunod kong hakbang. Pero pinapaala pa din ng Diyos sa akin. I am your God! Wala akong hindi kayang gawin!

Kung hindi mo man kaya, bitawan mo na. Anyway, the battles that we have is not for us to fight alone. The Lord our God is fighting it for us. 

Once again. I'm sorry Lord for all my shortcomings. For all of my sin.

Help me once again. And help me live again Lord.

I beg you!

Help me!

Thank you Lord!

 Today is 24th day of May, year 2025.

I just want to say "Thank You Lord!"

For I know that the plans that you have for my life is always good.

Your mercy and Your grace follow me all the days of my life.

That even though I know that the answer to my prayers is not yet at hand, I know and I firmly believe that it is already on its way to me Lord. Thank you!

My journey has never been easy. I have a lots of ups and downs in life. But I thank you and I praise you for I know that through all the seasons in my life you were there. You are with me holding me. Even in the times when I feel like I am not worthy of your grace and mercy you never let go of me. Maraming maraming salamat Ama.

Patuloy mo akong gabayan. Patuloy mo akong ingatan. Patuloy mo akong patatagin at patuloy mo akong samahan. For I know, no weapon of the enemy will proper against me for you the Lord God Almighty is with me. In the mighty name of your son Jesus CHrist. 

Amen!

SAVE ME LORD!

 Dear Lord,

I am at the point where everything is crashing. 

My finances, my motivation at work. My confidence to give a comfortable life to my family.

I feel like nothing is left Lord. save me.

My health is failing, my finances is crashed, I'm broke and depressed Lord save Me.

Give me a way out Lord please.

Have mercy on your sinful daughter Lord.

Save me.

today, I would like to make a covenant with you Lord.

Bigyan mo lang ako ng pera pambayad ng lahat ng utang at Pang-tuition ng anak ko na sapat hanggang maka-graduate sya Lord. Ibibigay ko lahat sa Faith Fellowship yung sobra sa anumang ipagkakaloob mo Lord. Maawa ka Lord. You are my only hope. Huwag mong hayaang lamunin ako ng negatibong pagiisip Lord. Wag mong hayaang kainin ako ng pag-aalala Lord.  :(

Mahabag ka sa akin Lord.

Mahabag ka.

Praying for God's Strength

 May 7, 2025:

I never thought that the time will come for the relationship to end. How can something so right feel so wrong all along? That's how I see it. From a perspective of a mother who witnessed how a certain relationship brought back life in the eyes of your precious child then all of sudden it filled her eyes with so much void. I feel sorry for my child, I don't know what the Lord wanted her to learn from it. But I firmly believe that the Lord is with her all through her heartache. They're in a season of growing where strength has to be drawn from that One True source. 

Ikaw na ang bahala sa anak ko Lord. Ikaw ang nag-iisang nakakaalam ng lahat lahat. Ng kanyang mga lungkot, ng kanyang mga takot. Ng lahat ng nagpapabigat sa puso nya Lord. Ikaw lang ang may alam. I can only observe from the outside. Huwag mo lang syang pabayaan Lord. I know my daughter's going through a season. A season na bagama't hindi sya handa, sasamahan mo sya Lord. 

God will make a way, when there seem to be no way!

 "God will make a way, when there seem to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me."

This has been a familiar song for me growing up. My lola listens to it. My father listens to it. My mother listens to it. And so all of us siblings are familiar with it. As I grow older (grow?! hahhaha gets older nalang pala). I realized that more than just a song. It is a word of encouragement. It is a sweet reminder that no matter how dark the road you may be traveling on, there is a Heavenly Father cheering for you to get through it. Remember to always invite Jesus to walk along side with you. and when you are too tired to continue, know that He will always carry you. Magpapahinga pero hindi susuko. 

Let's keep our faith and hold tighter to it. He will not lead us to a road to destruct us, enjoy the journey and learn as much as you can. You will need that for the next level. Laban!